Dating a jamaican man world star
I feel like I have to share my entire life story early on — a situation in dating that we’re often told to avoid at the risk of being too overwhelming.After a number of dates and situations not too unlike the interaction with the MMA fighter, I had to take a serious look at the risk involved with not disclosing my trans status.Despite the slowly turning tides, dealing with these potential partners is difficult because I often have to serve as both a therapist and a teacher. He was very much interested in me, but it took a few months for him to admit the full extent.He was pretty homophobic and transphobic when I originally met him, which he attributed to his upbringing.He was a black guy, of Jamaican descent, and he often explained that coming from a single-mother household put more pressure on him to be a certain kind of man.Though we had a ton of chemistry, he couldn’t understand the ways in which he constantly invalidated my identity.And, to be clear, I don’t need constant validation of my womanhood, but I do need respect — which J wasn't prepared to give.He made jokes about me and how I “used to be a man,” criticized my writing and activism, and even — the grand offense — used my birth name during arguments. Having to constantly define and explain myself is both exhausting and unfair.
Laverne Cox has discussed the stigma around men who love trans women.
Because I know plenty of guys who would really do some shit to you.”“No, I’m a woman, a transgender woman,” I answered, trying to make him understand. His entire view of me had changed and there was no going back.
I vowed as I left his place in the middle of the night that I would never put myself in that dangerous of a situation again.
I didn’t know if I’d ever have the chance to be loved. It’s all too easy to internalize the assumptions that we are rudimentary facsimiles of the people we actually want to be, or that we take on a lifestyle that’s all about mutilating our “God-given, natural” bodies.
Being a person of color that floats between the queer world and the straight world adds all the more pressure.
And even though I now make sure people know my identity before I’m alone with a potential partner, there are still some aspects of this interaction that seem to show up in my dating life no matter how many precautions I take.